


That Human Disease Called Friendship (and also literal ships)

by draconicPeacekeeper



Category: Homestuck
Genre: A fairly lighthearted fanfic, Aradia Sollux and Nepeta now live near each other, Banter, Blood, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Chapter five will be relevent to the story, Culling, Cuttlefish, F/F, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, He's Not Real, I don't know what Sollux's wearing on his face in chapter six, I guess you'll have to ask Equius about it, I just have to figure out how, I needed something that would let him breathe without covering his eyes, It's mostly plot, M/M, Multi, Oh wait, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Plot, Pre-Sburb/Sgrub, So I just made stuff up, The first two chapters were planned out, Too bad I guess you'll just have to not question it hahaha, Troll Gills, a lot of erishipping, and then the rest is just me writing whatever I feel like and pretending it makes sense, because plot convienence, but still, copious use of italics, good thing there are so many quadrants, it's all one big eridan shipping fest apparently, lots of banter, nah there's just eridan being shipped with everyone, okay im lying, what plot?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-10-11 18:40:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10471497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draconicPeacekeeper/pseuds/draconicPeacekeeper
Summary: In any case, you weren’t particularly shocked when you find a body floating in the waves while on a swim that Feferi asked (read: forced) you to go on. The odd color of the blood, though, that piques your curiosity.





	1. To Cull A Mutant

**Author's Note:**

> I intended to write slow burn Erikar and Erifef and ended up writing Arafef, Vrisrezi, and Nepidan pesterlogs instead. Good grief.
> 
> Hope you enjoy banter, cause there's an awful lot of it here. As in, 80% of this fanfic is just snarky banter. What am I doing. No, really, I am incapable of writing anything but banter. It's all just banter. Not even good banter, just banter. Afrdhdjrjtktjyjfyjfuy

 

Your name is ERIDAN AMPORA, and you’ve just found a DEAD BODY.

This is hardly an uncommon occurrence. Oftentimes you’ll be flying above the water, and then find blood seeping through the waves. After all, landdwellers are notoriously stupid (or at least you think they are) and there are some who don’t know how territorial (superior, you think) seadwellers like you tend to be.

How disrespectful of them. Couldn’t they die anywhere that wasn’t close to your territory?

In any case, you weren’t particularly shocked when you find a body floating in the waves while on a swim that Feferi asked (read: forced) you to go on. The odd color of the blood, though, that piques your curiosity.

Upon closer inspection, the mutant’s bright red blood is pouring from several nasty cuts along his skin. Some may even be deep enough to become scars. You wonder what he (is it a he? There’s no real way to determine this, as the mutant is dead, but he looks like a he so you’re just going to call him one, and it’s not like you really care anyway) did to deserve this, but then you discard that thought immediately. It was a stupid thought, as his very existence was probably enough to warrant such injuries. He isn’t particularly interesting, and you’re about to move on when something startles you.

“GOTCHA!” yells Fef, and you find yourself doused by a new wave of water with a cuttlefish flopping on your head. Feferi gently picks the cuttlefish up, and sets it back in the ocean again, before turning to you with the biggest smile on her face. “Hehe, whatcha doing, Eridan...? OH MY GLUB!” She clamps her hands over her mouth and her eyes go wide in shock. You follow her gaze and see that she’s peering at the body behind you. “WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?”

You roll your eyes at her. “Oh come on, Fef. Obviously I ain’t the one who did that.” She squints at you suspiciously. Does she really distrust you that much?

“Alright then, what happened?”

“I wouldn't know,” you say honestly. “I just found him like that.”

You can tell from the look on her face that she’s thinking, and as she is her eyes shift to the body behind you. Suddenly her face lights up, the way it always does when she’s got an idea. “Alright, then, can we kelp him?”

You stare at her dumbfounded. The hopeful look in her eyes is unwavering. “Are you serious? How do you propose we do that? I doubt there's any way to help a dead body.”

She sighs. What did you do now? “He’s not DEAD, seally!”

What? You look behind you at what you are pretty sure is a corpse. Nothing appears to have changed. You don’t know how anyone could look at all that blood and think _Hey, this troll’s probably still alive!_ “Fef, no, he is clearly dead.”

She rolls her eyes in exasperation. “LISTEN. You can hear him breathing! He’s just unconchious.”

You blink and twitch your fins, listening. Sure enough, you can hear breathing. It’s quiet, but not nonexistent. You wonder why you didn’t notice earlier. Probably because you don’t really care about him, and for good reason.

Feferi is still staring at you. “So… are you going to help him, or do I have to do it myshellf???”

“ _No_ , Fef.” you say, as if it that's the dumbest idea in the world. “He's a mutant.”

“Yes, I reelized. Your point is?”

“My point is that his blood is full a filth and we shouldn't be helpin a troll like that.”

“Pike.”

“What.”

“A troll pike that.”

“Are you seriously doing the fish pun thing _right now_.”

“Eridan, come on. Be a decent troll.”

“We’re not helpin' him.”

“Yes we are!” she says. “We can’t just REEF him here!”

“What.”

“Leave. I meant leave.”

“That was a bad one, but whatever. The more important thing is that _yes_ , we can in fact leave him here, Fef.”

“But he’s HURT!”

“But he'll just be a pest!”

“Are you searious? We are helping this troll and I will not hear a word saying otherwise!!”

You study her face and then sigh. You’re not going to win this argument, you know you aren’t. “You're gonna cull him, aren't you.”

“Why yes, yes I am!”

You shake your head. “You're so weird, Fef.” Then she smiles at you, and all your complaints melt away like snow in the palm of your hand.


	2. A Bewildered, Bleeding Boy in the Big Blue Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alliteration!
> 
> (also hey look it's me, updating this fic 3 months later)

“Fef, are you _sure_  that snorkel works?”

“Of course I’m shore, silly! After all, I wouldn’t just let him die, would I?”

“Okay, but if he does die I'm not helpin you bury the body.”

“Oh, don’t be such a grumpy-gills, Eridan! It’ll be fiiiine! Why are you worrying so much, anywave? I thought you didn’t pike lowbloods! Hmm???”

“I don't, Fef. I just don't want you to get all upset and everythin.”

“Ugh. I’m not gonna get _upset_  because he's  _not_ gonna die!”

“Are you sure, Fef? Are you sure?”

“OH, PRAWNESTLY!”

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and who the heck are these jerks?

You open your eyes and immediately scream.

Are- are those seadwellers??? Are you underwater????

You sit up, eyes wide, fangs bared, and the seadwellers turn to face you.

One of them is a violetblood, male, with stupid glasses and a stupid cape and an all-around stupid outfit. You’re glad Kanaya isn’t here. She would pitch a fit at his fashion sense. The other is- is that the heiress? She’s dressed in jewelry and a skirt so bright, it hurts your eyes just to look at. She looks honestly concerned about you, but you don’t trust her for a second. She must be faking it. There’s no reason she’d be concerned about somebody she’s never met.

The violetblood sneers at you. “So, Fef. Looks like your pet is finally awake.” His accent is weird and wavy and you couldn’t place it if you tried. The expression on his face, though, that you most certainly understand. What a twit. You want to punch him in the face.

The heiress swats at him. “He’s not my _pet_ , Eridan! Try to be polite!”

“Then what am I?” you ask. The hesitant tone in your voice betrays more than you intended it to. You really hope she’s not very good at reading people.

She gives you a sharklike grin that does absolutely nothing to comfort you. “You’re our GUEST, of course!”

Yeah, okay. Because that’s totally not the same thing.

She seems to notice your discomfort, because the next thing she says is “I’m Feferi! This prickly snapper is Eridan. Are you ocray? You were bleeding a lot, but we bandaged you as best as we could!”

Wait… what? Bleeding? What does she mean?

You look down and promptly regret the fact that you stopped screaming. White bandages are indeed wrapped around your chest and stomach, but some of your bright red blood has seeped through.

Your blood…

You jump out of your seat and start to panic even more, if that’s somehow possible.

THEY’VE SEEN YOUR BLOOD THEY KNOW YOUR SECRET THEY’RE GOING TO CULL YOU IT WAS A TRAP YOU ARE NOT SAFE YOU’RE GOING TO DIE YOU DON’T WANT TO DIE NOBODY’S EVEN GOING TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU NO NO NO NO NO NO

The violetblood (Eridan, you remind yourself) sees your reaction and raises his eyebrows. “Whoa, you might wanna simmer down there. You're not gonna die just yet, cause for some reason Fef wants to keep you despite your weird little mutation. No need to throw a hissy fit.”

This only barely reassures you. You don’t like the tone he says it in. You don’t like the “just yet” attached to it. You don’t like the comment about your mutation. You don’t like his expression. Actually, you dislike him, in general. And you really don’t like the fact that you’re being kept by the heiress, like some sort of pathetic meowbeast.

Hissy fit… Meowbeast…

That reminds you of something (of someone), and you suddenly realize your friends must be worrying themselves to death. You really should contact them.

“Do you have a husktop?” you ask Feferi, because this looks to be her hive.

The seadwellers look surprised, and Eridan opens his mouth to speak before Feferi shooshes him (oh… they’re moirails, of course, you guess that in hindsight they do act pretty pale around each other) and hands you a husktop.

You hope you weren’t out for too long.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be from Nepeta's perspective. :3


	3. What time is it? Lunchtime!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically an excuse to write Erinep.

Hmm…

If you change the thickness… but no, that wouldn’t work…

Maybe if you added a spike there- NO, NOW IT’S EVEN WORSE! UNDO! UNDO!

Oh, oh! You could- wait, no, then that erases the shading…

Argh, you just can’t get it right! You throw your drawing tablet down in frustration.

Your name is NEPETA LEIJON, and drawing is a lot harder than you make it seem. You wish you were a better artist.

When you glance over to the husktop laying next to you, you almost jump right out of your skin.  
  
It’s 12:30??? _Already?_ Time sure flies fast when you’re messing around with art!

It’s lunchtime now, so you go out to get something to eat. Let’s see… there’s a sqeakbeast there… mmm, a finbeast in the river, seems to think you haven’t noticed it… and, oh, what’s that?

Aha! There’s a featherbeast in the tall grass! Your favorite!

You bend down on all fours and creep silently through the field, your tail twitching attentively. If you have a footfall, it can’t be heard. The featherbeast is almost right in front of you now. Closer… and closer…

Suddenley your portable husktop chimes in your pocket. The featherbeast squawks in alarm and flies away. You curse. That was your meal!

Grumpily, you check your pocket to see who is trolling you. Violet text floods your screen. Oh, great. It’s _that_ guy.

AC: :33< what do you want ampurra? im really busy right now!

CA: wwoww nep

CA: that wwas rude

CA: wwho spat in your catnip today

AC: XOO< ugh just get to the point already!!!

CA: okay okay jeez

CA: so you know your little crush

CA: karkitty an all

AC: :OO< wow

AC: :33< that is a terrible nickname!

CA: i thought you liked cat puns

AC: :33< not when theyre coming furom you i dont

CA: rude

CA: anywways about karkat

CA: i found him

AC: :OO< you WHAT?!

CA: jeez nep i thought you wwere stupid not illiterate

CA: i found him

CA: he wwas driftin in the wwater all bleedin an stuff an now hes not cause fef took him to her hivve an bandaged him and wwhatevver

CA: kar wwas gonna tell you but he fell asleep

CA: again

CA: honestly at this point he might as well be a wriggler he sleeps so much

CA: i havve no idea wwhy you havve a crush on him

CA: although you are moirails wwith eq an all so i guess it can just be chalked up to your terrible taste in trolls

CA: yeah thats probably it

CA: after all you did reject me and that just goes to show how bad you are at pickin people to crush on

CA: nep

CA: hey nep

CA: are you there

AC: XOO< ugh shut up!!!

AC: :((< i was gone fur like one moment what is wrong with mew

CA: nothin im awwesome

CA: cant really say the same for you

AC: XPP< oh my god, that was clawful

AC: XPP< you are clawful

CA: are you kiddin i rock

AX: :33< more like SUCK haha

CA: oh no right in the ego

CA: anywways i just thought i should tell you about kar

CA: he cant exactly do it himself seein as howw hes kinda unconchious right noww

CA: *unconscious

CA: bluh bluh contagious puns

AC: :33< oh yeah

AC: :33< i should purrobably thank mew fur that, but i dont wanna so im not gonna

CA: youre so cruel nep

CA: later

\-- caligulasAquarium (CA) stopped trolling arsenicCatnip (AC) --

Hmm, so Eridan found Karkitty, did he? (furick, you meant Karkat! You absolutely refuse to copy something said by Ampurra, of all people.)

You decide to leave a message for when the crab wakes up.

\-- arsenicCatnip (AC) began trolling carcinoGeneticist (CG) --

AC: :((< what catpunned to you? kanaya and i have been furried sick!

AC: :33< and terezi too purrobably

AC: :33< i can nefur really tell


	4. THIS WAS A MISTAKE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy 612, have an Aradia chapter!

Your name is ARADIA MEGIDO, and you cannot tell if this was the right decision or not.

On onehand, if Nepeta wasn’t here, Sollux wouldn’t have known about Karkat.

On the other hand, if Sollux didn’t know about Karkat, there wouldn’t be a hole in the floor + one dead corpse.

Okay, maybe this needs a bit of explanation.

It wasn’t very odd to see fuschia text filling up your screen. Feferi Peixes was known to be a very social person, and loved to talk to just about everybody, yourself being no exception. So when you recieved a message from the heiress, you didn’t expect anything out of the ordinary.

Were you wrong? Eh, maybe, although at this point shenanigans are pretty much a normal part of your life.

\-- cuttlefishCuller (CC) started trolling apocalypseArisen (AA) --

CC: )(OLY MACK-ER-EL, you are NOT gonna believe w)(at just )(appened!

AA: 0h hi feferi! whats up?

CC: I just found a dead body!

AA: umm 0kay???

AA: i mean i guess thats weird but n0t really?

AA: y0u have seen a dead b0dy bef0re

AA: havent y0u?

CC: Of course I )(ave, du)(!

CC: I was just pausing for clamatic tension. 38/

AA: 0h 0kay!

AA: isnt that kinda inc0nvienent th0ugh? id think that w0uld happen a l0t

AA: ykn0w with the wh0le me being c0nfused thing

AA: except with 0ther pe0ple

CC: )(u)(, I guess I sea your point!

CC: Sometimes it’s im-port-ant to be direct.

CC: But not rig)(t this second! Can’t a girl have a little FUN?

AA: hehe 0f c0urse! having fun is imp0rtant

AA: s0 what did y0u want t0 tell me?

CC: It turns out t)(at dead body I found… WASN’T ACSHELLY DEAD!!!! 38O

CC: It was just a poor mutant! )(e was bleeding and unconc)(ious and --EV-ERYFIN!!

CC: I feel so bad for )(im. Nobody deserves to be )(urt just for being different!!!

CC: T)(ings pike t)(at won’t )(appen w)(en I’m ---Empress!

AA: im sure y0ull be a great empress feferi!

AA: s0 what happened t0 the mutant?

CC: Me and -Eridan t00k )(im t0 my )(ive and )(elped bandage )(im up and everyfin!

AA: really? that d0esnt seem like s0mething eridan w0uld d0

CC: W)(ale, I did )(elp persuade )(im to )(elp.

AA: 0h that makes sense

AA: y0u and eridan are m0irails after all

AA: 0f c0urse hed listen t0 y0u

CC: I thiiiiink I can )(ear snoring from -Eridan’s room, and )(e doesn’t normally sleep t)(is early. It’s probubbly the mutant.

AA: whats his name

CC: )(u)(?

AA: s0rry

AA: i sh0uld have clarified

AA: whats the mutants name?

CC: O)(! U)(, Karkat, I t)(ink.

AA: karkat?

AA: i think i heard s0llux say s0mething ab0ut that

AA: i h0pe n0t! he c0uld get killed if he was talking t0 a mutant

AA: 0_0

CC: O)(. You s)(oald probably go talk to )(im! I would be reely sad if )(e got krilled.

AA: hey y0ure n0t cheating 0n me are y0u

CC: >38O

CC: OF COURS-E NOT! I WOULD N-EV----ER!!!!

AA: haha i kn0w

AA: im just teasing feferi

CC: O)(.

CC: )(ey, t)(at’s not finny!!! >38T

AA: s0rry

AA: y0ure just really cute when y0ure mad

AA: 0r sh0uld i say

AA: reely cute!

CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a!

CC: I can never stay angry at you.

AA: ^u0

CC: But yea)(, you s)(oald go c)(eck on Sollux.

AA: 0kay! Bye! <3

CC: <3

\-- cuttlefishCuller (CC) stopped trolling apocalypseArisen (AA) --

Also, you two are matesprits. Did you forget to mention that? Whoops.

Anyways, you, Nepeta, and Sollux live very close by. You’re lucky you get to visit your friends so often! Most trolls don’t ever get to interact, like Nepeta and Eridan. It’s a shame, too. You think they’d make a lovely black couple, even if Nepeta denies it.

You were using your telekenisis to fly over Nepeta’s house on your way to Sollux’s. “Hi Aradia!” she said.

“Hey Nepeta!” you reply. “What’s up?”

“I just got some grrreat news from Eridan!” she said, growling a bit on the word ‘great’.

“Really? I just got some interesting news from Feferi. I was gonna tell Sollux about it.”

“Oh, right. Sollux would purrobably like to hear my mews too.”

“Why don’t we compare our information and then go tell him together?”

“Great idea!”

You drift gently down to the ground next to her.

“Feferi just told me that she found an injured mutant. His name was Karkat, I think. Isn’t that one of your’s and Sollux’s friends?”

She blinks in surprise. “That was my news too!”

“Oh!” you say. “What a coincidence!”

“Yeah! I guess we should go tell him together?”

So you pick her up (Nepeta, unsurprisingly, does not weigh very much) and fly off to Sollux’s house.

You arrive to the green apartment that he lives in and rap gently on the window, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

You tap it again, louder this time. No reply.

“What’s taking him so long?” wonders Nepeta.

“Let’s find out!” you say.

You have never liked those windows, anyways. They were quite tacky.

* * *

 

It doesn’t take much to break a hole through the glass, especially not with sharp claws like Nepeta’s. In a minute or so you’re standing inside Sollux’s respite block, shards littering the carpet.

You can hear footsteps trampling hurridly up the stairs. Sollux practicly slams the door open and stands there gaping at you.

“It’s rude to stare, you know” says Nepeta.

Sollux ignores her in favor of asking you why his window is broken.

“Well, we did knock, but you weren’t answering!”

“I was _getting a snack from the food preparation block,_ AA.”

“Oh,” you say, looking down at your feet. “I didn’t know that.”

He sighs. “You and NP really need to be more patient.”

Nepeta sticks her tongue out at him. “Maybe we’d be more pawtient if we didn’t have such exciting news fur you! Right, Aradia?”

“Oh, right!” you say. “You had a friend named Karkat, right?”

He frowns. “Well, I thought I did, but he hasn’t been answering my messages. I knew he’d get sick of me eventually, but I didn’t think he’d just dissapear off the face of the planet.”

“Wait, what?” yelps Nepeta. “Sollux, no! He didn’t- he wouldn’t- Karkat didn’t get sick of you!”

He cocks an eyebrow. “And what makes you think that? You’re biased, NP. You just don't want to admit that KK got tired of speaking to us.”

She lets out a soft hiss. “I may be biased, _Captor_ , but I have proof. He was found bleeding in the water, something must have happened to him-”

“Wait, he was found doing _what_ in the water?!”

“Bleeding, Sollux, bleeding. Pawbviously, something prevented him from messaging us. He didn’t get sick of you.” Worry spills over her voice, dousing her words in concern. You feel really bad for her. Imagine if something happened to Feferi! It makes you feel odd, like you’ve gotten seasick, only worse.

“KK was _bleeding?_ Holy christ, he can’t be okay!”

“No, no he’s fine,” you interrupt. “Feferi and Eridan found him. He should be at her hive.”

“At _Feferi’s_ hive? He’ll drown!”

“I heard that there’s some sort of weird highblood thing called a snorkel that’s supposed to help lowbloods breathe underwater. She’s probably using that.”

“A snorkel?” wonders Nepeta. “That’s a weird word! Snorkel. SNORkel. Snooooorkel, heeheehee.”

“Yes yes, snorkel, whatever,” snaps Sollux. “Do you think he’ll get all high and mighty about it if I decide to go visit him?”

“He purrobably will,” giggles Nepeta. “He’ll be all, AW SOLLUX, YOU CARE! And then you’ll say something snarky back. It will be a snark battle. Battle of the snarks. The great snark escapade. Snarknado.”

You smother a laugh. “Alright, that’s enough out of you. I’m sure Feferi won’t mind if we go for a visit!”

“Yeah, NP’s probably _dying_ to visit her crush.”

“Sollux!”

“She’ll be all, _oooooh karkitty, you sugoi baka, you make my kokoro go doki doki._ ”

“STOOOOP! Where is everypawdy getting Karkitty from, when have I efur said that?”

“I don’t know, it just felt fitting.” he says, jumping out of the way as she swipes at him.

“Pffft” you laugh, interuppting the both of them. “Your eastern alternian is terrible.”

“Shut up, AA.”

“Oh, by the way, we figured out Karkat’s blood color.”

“ _Spill._ His face is going to be _priceless_ when he realizes I know.”

“Apparently, he’s a mutant.”

“Wait, really? Oh my god, he's teased me about my psiionics. KK is a filthy hypocrite.”

“Are you going to mock him fur his blood?” asks Nepeta.

“I’m going to mock him for his blood.”

“Haha, _you’re_ a hypocrite!”

“At least I have the guts to admit it.” he smirks.

The three of you end up having a pillow fight. It’s loads of fun. In the next ten minutes, feathers are flying everywhere. At least two pillows have been ripped from Sollux’s horns. You and Nepeta have been giggling nonstop, and Sollux is slightly less of a grump than usual(such improvement!).

Suddenly, Nepeta shoves Sollux’s side.

She’s very strong, and soon he falls right into the mind honey.

You’re very lucky that you can fly, and you’re very lucky you broke a window. You wouldn’t want to get hit by his eyebeams… like the poor sap in the floor below you who’s now a charred pile of dead.

...You’ll clean this up later.


	5. Intermission: Telephone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Intermission" is basically a fanfic writer's way of saying that they got really sidetracked while writing the chapter and don't want to admit it.
> 
> Chapter title based off the game telephone, in which one person whispers something into another persons ear and see how garbled the message has gotten after it's been whispered to a bunch of other people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just assumed that for trolls, you should be awake during A.M and asleep during P.M. Thus, Vriska messaging Terezi at 3 P.M is the equivalent of you messaging your friend at 3 A.M, That's how being nocturnal works, right?

Your name is TEREZI PYROPE and WHY IS SHE MESSAGING YOU AT 3:00 P.M?

Oh well, you'd better answer her. Spidertrolls are known to get very agitated while ignored.

* * *

 

GC: BL3HHHH VR1SK444444 L3T M3 SL33333333P

AG: Wow, jeez, calm down. I had something really exciting to tell you and it just couldn’t w8!

AG: And don’t think I didn’t notice those 3s. There were eight of them! Eight!!!!!!!!

GC: VR1SK4 1 R34LLY DON’T C4R3

GC: JUST G1V3 M3 TH3 GOSS1P 4ND L3T M3 GO B4CK TO MY R3CUP3R4COON

AG: You know what, if you’re going to 8e like that I guess I just won’t tell you! See how that feels!

GC: HOOR4Y

GC: TH4T M34NS 1 C4N 4CTU4LLY G3T SOM3 R3ST

AG: 8luh, you’re no fun.

AG: Fine, if you reeeeeeeeally must know...

GC: MUST 1?

AG: If you really must know, it’s a8out Karkat.

GC: TH4T’S N1C3 VR1SK4

GC: GOODN1GHT SL33P T1GHT

AG: Are you even listening to me???????

GC: MMM HMM

GC: SBDISHOGFRDFTGUHTUKK

AG: Terezi!!!!!!

AG: TEREZI PYROPE GET UP!!!!!!!!

GC: VRISKAAAAAAA I’M SO TIREEEEEEEED

GC: W41T NO

GC: UGH WH4T3V3R

GC: QU1RKS AR3 STUP1D 4NYW4YS

GC: *4R3

AG: Did you even hear what I was saying????????

GC: Y34H SUR3

AG: What was it, then?

GC: SOM3TH1NG SOM3TH1NG WOOLB34STS

AG: Wool8easts, Terezi? Really????????

GC: Y3S, WOOLB34STS

GC: 1N F4CT, 1 TH1NK 1 S33 SOM3 WOOLB34STS NOW

GC: ON3 WOOLB34ST, TWO WOOLB34STS, THR33 WOOLB34STS, ZZZZ...

AG: Oh my god, Terezi! Don’t just go 8ack to sleep!!!!!!!!

GC: WH4T 3LS3 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO B3 DO1NG? 1N C4S3 YOU H4V3N’T NOT1C3D, VR1SK4, 1T 1S ON3 O’CLOCK!

GC: NO RESPECTABLE TROLL SHOULD B3 4W4K3 R1GHT NOW!

GC: *R3SP3CTABL3

GC: *R3SP3CT4BL3

GC: YOU KNOW WHAT, I AM DROPPING THE QUIRK

GC: I REFUSE TO PUT UP WITH THIS RIGHT NOW

GC: I AM TOO TIRED

AG: Well stop 8eing tired and PAY ATTENTION!!!!!!!!

AG: 8ecause guess what????????

AG: SOLLUX MURDERED ERIDAN!!!!!!!!

GC: WAIT

GC: WHAT?!

AG: Haha, got you!

GC: >:C

AG: Okay 8ut in all seriousness, he is preeeeeeeety injured.

AG: Dude should have known 8etter than to mess with a psionic’s moirail.

GC: WH4- K4RK4T???

GC: BUT H3’S B33N M1SS1NG FOR D4YS!

AG: Oh, now you’re paying 8ttention!

GC: W3LL 1’M SORRY 1F 1 H4V3N’T B33N 4LL TH4T 3XC1T3D 4BOUT YOUR STUP1D GOSS1P, BUT 1N C4S3 YOU H4V3N’T NOT1C3D 1 4M R3ALLY EXH4UST3D R1GHT NOW!

AG: Ugh, I knoooooooow! You’ve said it like 8 times already.

GC: MY BON3S F33L L1K3 TH3Y 4R3 4LL GO1NG TO S1MULT4N3OUSLY TURN 1NTO 4 W4T3RF4LL OF FR3SHLY M4D3 GRUB S4UC3

AG: Stoooooooop, you’re making me hungry!

GC: 1’M M4K1NG M3 HUNGRY TOO!

GC: WH4T W3R3 W3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT 4G41N?

AG: I dunno. Sollux and Eridan, I think?

AG: Oh, and Karkat.

GC: OH Y34H!

GC: SO WH4T H4PP3N3D TO TH3M?

AG: Oh, um, so Eridan found Karkat and he was 8leeding or something? And then Sollux heard and went to Feferi’s hive, 8ecause that’s apparently where Karkat was.

AG: I thiiiiiiiink Gamzee and Equius were involved? And also Kanaya, that meddler.

AG: Er, well, that’s pro8a8bly what happened. It was kinda hard to understand through all the “MiRaClEs”.

AG: So anyway, Sollux went there and Eridan was 8eing a jerk so they had a duel.

AG: And, of course, Eridan got his 8utt kicked.

GC: OF COURS3

AG: Soooooooo yeah, just thought you might like to know what happened to your precious little crab 8oy.

AG: Is there like something going on 8etween you two, oooooooor…?

GC: M4YB3???? LOL WHO KNOWS

GC: 1 R34LLY SHOULD GO B4CK TO B3D NOW

GC: GOODN1GHT VR1SK4, LOV3 YOU <3

AG: W8, what? WHAT WAS THAT?????

AG: TEREZI????????

AG: TEREZI 8RE Y8U TH8RE?

\-----gallowsCallibrator fell asleep on her computer-----

AG: 8CK!!!!!!!!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some life advice: Don't talk to your crush while you're delirious from exhaustion or you'll end up confessing to them by accident. Also don't write fanfiction while you are delirious from exhaustion, because it won't actually be all that good.


	6. Once You Have Spoken With The Devil, You Will Find That Fear Is Not A Common Emotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's this? A chapter actually relevant to the plot? No way!

The day your moirail stops whining is the day Karcrab stops insulting people.

Which is to say, a day that shall never, ever come to pass, unfortunately for the universe.

“…AND HE KEEPS STEALIN’ MY BOOKS, AS IF THAT _DWARF_ OF A MUTANT HAS ANY RIGHT TO SO MUCH AS LOOK AT THESE… THESE RELICS! I swear to god, if he does it AGAIN I’m gonna MURDER him! He’s lucky I haven’t done it already, stunted little _crab_...”

You let out what has to be your 10th groan in, what, half an hour? God, Eridan really does have a knack for exhausting you.

Your name is FEFERI PEIXES, and right now, life is suffering.

“Can you _please_ just clam it already? You’re so quick to insult him, but as far as I’ve sean, he hasn’t done anyfin and you’re just being overdramatic as usual.”

He looks highly offended. Oh no, he’s _insufferable_ when he feels offended.

“For your information, _Fef_ , he’s done plenty. Haven’t you been listening? He took. My history books. My HISTORY BOOKS, Fef! He can’t just put his grubby little hands on other troll’s possessions!”

“ _Eridan,_ ” you cut him off before he can start complaining again. “He is our guest! I thought I asked you to treat him nicely? But no, it appears you are incarpable of such a simple feat!”

“Oh, like you’re any better, Fef.” he snorts in response. “Always goin’, Eridan don’t do this, Eridan don’t do that! Eridan why didn’t you tell me aboat that highly personal piece of information that is absolutely NONE of my business!”

“ABOAT! You said aboat!”

He sighs. He sighs too much, you think, despite the fact that he’s the most sigh-worthy person you know. “Of course that’s what you’d focus on. Not the part about how nosy you are. No, I made one a your dumb fish puns! Everybody sound the alarms!”

You blow a raspberry at him. “Yeah right! My fish puns are smarter than you are! Besides, I’m not nosy. You’re the one who’s not being a proper moirayeel, being all seacretive and stuff.”

“Oh yeah, because bein’ somebody’s moirail is all about being unnecessarily intrusive, isn’t it.”

“Shut up, you know what I mean!”

* * *

 

It is now an hour later, based on the clock you have, but that has never really mattered to you. Living underwater means that the time of day has never actually affected any place that was not close to the surface, and the place you are now is much too deep for sunlight to reach.

It is the place where things lurk, whispering in the ear on any who are willing to listen. It is the place where the water is black and black and more black, like octopus ink spread across a watery canvas. It is the place where things glow but nothing glistens, the place where few other trolls have ever been.

It is the home of Gl'bgolyb, your lusus.

Currently, you are towing a large SEA TURTLE LUSUS to Gl’bgolyb in a carefully woven net. Teal blood leaks out behind you from the hole in it’s side. You feel sorry for the poor thing, and for the troll whom it belonged to. You wish there was a more effective way of feeding the tentacled horror that is your parent. You really hate having to do this, but you will do what you must in order to preserve the troll race.

You swim in front of one of her large beaks, her many slimy eyes blinking at you from within her coils.

She whispers to you, and you stroke her beak lovingly, confiding in her all your worries. “I worry about him, you know?” you pause, trying to sort out your muddled thoughts and feelings. “Eridan, that is. I know he’s my moirail, but it doesn’t even feel pike he’s trying! Sometimes I think he’s not reely pale for me.”

You pause only to take a breath before continuing in the same quick, rushed sort of tone.”It’s not like he’s all bad, though. He can be reely sweet, in a few, rare occasions. There was this one time… I was sick, too sick to feed you. Remember? And he could have just done it himself, or with the help of Vriska. But he didn’t. He paid another troll to do it for him, and spent the whole day in my hive with me. He doesn’t like the water, you know. He could have chosen not too. But he didn’t. He brought me some books, and told me some jokes. (Bad ones, too. He’s rather bad at humor.) And he got me another cuttlefish, though I don’t know how he managed to catch one. Maybe his lusus did it for him? Haha, I don’t really know. But it was sweet, and nice…”

After you’ve finished talking to her, you head back to your hive. It’s a long way up, but you don’t really mind. You’re a very fast swimmer and it’s not like the route is unpleasant, what with all the marine life around. (So cute!) When you reach the door of your hive, though, you freeze up for a second.

The door has been left open.

You never leave the door open. Otherwise the poor creatures you’ve trapped here (are taking care of, you remind yourself. They’re not trapped!) could run away, and that wouldn’t be good.

You swim inside cautiously, but soon you notice the door isn’t all that’s ary. Tables have been flipped upside down. Cages are _everywhere_ , and sure your hive is a mess, but never this much of one.

But the weirdest thing is that some of the things have holes burned through them, the edges melted like somebody’s poured lava there.

As you are inspecting one of said things (a cage, pity as you quite liked the designs on this one) you hear a door slam open behind you. You whirl around, but it’s only Karkat. Oh, thank god. Your heart hasn’t beat this fast in forever.

But it isn’t _just Karkat_ , upon closer inspection. His eyes are wide and scared and kind of feral, and his breath is fast and panicked. He doesn’t have his snorkel, but that’s fine. It turns out he had his own set of gills and didn’t need it.

“Karkat?” you ask, choosing not to use fish puns in light of the seriousness of this situation. “What- what happened?”

He opens his mouth as if to speak, but seems to think better of it and simply tugs on your arm. “Follow me.” he says, voice quieter than usual. (And… more filled with venom? What could have happened?)

He pulls you through your labyrinth of a hive to a room which you’d forgotten even existed. When you get inside, what you see is… not what you expected.

It’s Sollux and Aradia. The latter is wearing a snorkel, while the former… is wearing something else, something that looks to have been made by Equius. His eyes are uncovered, which is unfortunate as laser beams are coming out of them. _This must be where the mess in your hive came from_ , you think, but you don’t understand why until your eyes travel to the other side of the room.

Standing there is Eridan, looking madder than ever, Ahab’s Crosshairs in one hand and red blood staining the other. But it’s not the burgundy of Aradia’s blood, it’s Karkat’s cherry-red. When you glance back at him, you notice something you hadn’t before. There’s a cut on his right hand, barely visible due to his sweater, but it’s still there and suddenly something clicks in your mind.

“STOP!” you shout, and Sollux turns toward you in shock, beams still streaming from his eyes. They’re directed towards you, now, not Eridan. He cries out “Fef!” and starts running to you, but he’s too late.

He’s too late because you’ve already ducked under the eyebeams and pinned Sollux to the wall. They both look surprised, and you’re kind of offended. It’s not like you don’t know how to fight or anything.

The eyebeams die down and you let him go, watching as he slumps to the ground.

“Sorry, FF.” he says.

“I’m not the one you were trying to kill.” you say, turning to Eridan. “And you! What were you _doing?!_ ”

He lets out a snarl. “It’s not _my_ fault, Fef! Kar was bein’ a jerk-”

“Oh, _I_ was being a jerk? I’m not the one who _slit_ my hand!”

“It’s your fault for stealin’ my sandwich-”

“A _sandwich_ , Ampora?! Jesus christ, that is the worst possible reason to lash out at KK!”

“It’s none a your business, Sol-”

“He is my moirail, Eridan! It is _all_ of my business-”

“ _Speaking_ of moirails, you nearly killed mine!”

“Hey, it’s not _my_ fault! I was startled and so were you!”

“Startled? I was not startled-”

“BOTH OF YOU CUT. IT. OUT!” you shout, making everybody jump. “Eridan, you really shouldn’t hurt trolls enough to make them bleed because they _took your sandwich_ , that’s just common sense! And Sollux, don’t just immediately start shooting eyebeams at people!”

“It wasn’t immediately!” he says. “I waited for, like, at least 10 seconds!”

You sigh. What are you going to do with these dorks?


	7. Is this love (no this is patrick)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat is hard to write. Fluff is hard to write. Here is a fluff chapter from Karkat's POV. Bluh.

The way Aradia and Feferi have been acting is so saccharine, you almost want to puke.

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS, and don’t misunderstand, you love romance and things that the more ignorant (i.e. your stupid moirail) would call “sappy.” What you do not like, however, is the fact that your eardrums will explode if you have to listen to any more squealing.

Well, you guess it’s kind of justified. After all, they haven’t seen each other in forever. It’s rather sweet that they’re so excited to be able to cuddle and kiss like a typical redrom couple.

Still, if you have to hear Feferi gushing about her “gillfrond” one more time, you are going to scream so loudly they’ll hear you on the other side of the galaxy.

Eridan agrees with you. You know because he’s told you so. He complains a lot, not that you really want to listen.

It’s not all bad, though. Sollux is here, and it’s nice to finally see him in person, insufferable as he may be.

One day, you hear a knock at the door. When you go to open it, you find Feferi grinning up at you. “Hi Karcrab!” she says, bubbly as ever.

“Hey, Feferi.” you say. “What’s going on?”  
  
“We’re having a movie night today!” she says, and you can’t help feeling a little excited at that. You love movie nights, not that you’ll ever tell anybody that.

“What’re we watching?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I was hoping you’d have some ideas!”

“Well, um, romantic comedies aren’t _as_ mind-numbingly stupid as some of that other stuff so I guess we _could_ do that.”

She blinks at you, as if surprised. “Romcoms?”

“Yes, romcoms. Is there something wrong with that?”

“No, I just didn’t reely think you were a romcom sort of troll.”

“What does _that_ mean?”

“...Nofin. Romcoms it is, then! I’m shore Aradia won’t have a prawnblem, and Sollux and Eridan are always grumpy anywave. I mean, honestly! Can’t they do anyfin besides glub glub glub aboat every little thing?”

You nod, although you really just want to get back to your book. You would tell her this, except you’re tired and your throat hurts and you really don’t feel like coming up with one of your (glorious) insults. At least, you _think_ that’s why you’re not cursing up a storm right now. Maybe you’re just in a good mood? Come to think of it, you haven’t been in a bad mood for a while now. Huh. That’s strange. You wonder what the reason could be for-

“Crabcatch? Are you listening?”

“Oh, er… no?”

Ah, jeez. Feferi actually looks concerned now. You just had to space out instead of paying attention to what she was saying like a decent troll would. Great job, stupid. You’re just so good at this, aren’t you?

“I’m fine,” you say. “I was just thinking. About… stuff.”  
  
She looks even more worried now. Fantastic job there, Karkat. Your social skills are astounding, truly.

“If you’re shore…” she says, sounding suspicious. You didn’t even know Feferi could be suspicious.

But then again, there are a lot of things you don’t know about Feferi Peixes.

Hours later, you’re all gathered on the couch. You have spent this evening stuffing your face with popcorn and trying your hardest not to bawl your eyes out at the screen. (You failed.)

Eridan sneers at you and says you look like a drowned chipmunk. You tell him to “shut your squawk gaper, Ampora”, because at least _you_ don’t look like a shriveled fish covered in the juice of rotten grapes. His expression and Sollux’s “OOOOOOOH” makes it a hundred percent worth it, even if there is now an angry seadweller out for your blood. Again.

Aradia and Feferi are cuddled next to each other, swaddled in a blanket and looking like it was the most comfortable place in the world. You’d think it was cute if that wasn’t the only blanket, and if they weren’t keeping it all to themselves.

What? You’re cold.

Halfway through the third movie you start nodding off. Eventually, you close your eyes and your head tilts down until you’re leaning against Eridan’s shoulder. It takes barely a few seconds after you’ve noticed before you shoot up again. Eridan looks at you weirdly. You start stammering apologies and “how unobservant do you have to be to not notice that, I swear to god you’re blinder than Terezi” before you hear him snickering and abruptly stop.

“What are you laughing at?!” you ask incredulously.

You can see him struggling to stop smirking (jerk) and he turns to you with what has to be the worst poker face you’ve ever seen. “Sorry, Kar.” he says, ignoring how you growl at the nickname. “You’re just really weird.”

“HEY!”

“Nah, I mean… in a good way, or somethin.”

“Wow. Just, wow. And here I was thinking _I_ was the one who was bad at talking.”

“Rude. And, y’know, you still are bad at talking.”

“Shut up, Ampora.”

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you had a very nice day today.


	8. Help me I dont know what to write

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And it's back to pesterlogs! afdguj,kytre I haven't written anything in weeks, I hope this is alright.

You hum a soft little tune as you trim your bushes, sun shining brightly above you. Your name, of course, is KANAYA MARYAM and you rather enjoy gardening.

After the last bush is trimmed, you head back inside to your respiteblock. When you get there, you check your husktop, only to find several different messages awaiting you.

\-- caligulasAquarium (CA) started trolling grimAuxiliatrix (GA) --

CA: kan

CA: kan

CA: kaaaaaaan

CA: kanaya are you there

GA: You Know I Think You Might Be The Most Impatient Person Ive Ever Had The Displeasure Of Meeting

CA: displeasure

CA: thats an odd wword

CA: displeasure displeasure displeasure

CA: wweird

GA: Is There Something You Actually Wanted To Talk About Or Are You Just Being A Nuisance For Your Own Personal Satisfaction

CA: wwoww calm dowwn kan

CA: no need to be so annoyin

GA: Am I The Annoying One Or Are You Just A Gargantuan Hypocrite

GA: This Is A Very Important Question

GA: Do You Know What I Think The Answer Is

CA: yes yes im suuuch a hypocrite blah blah blah wwho cares

CA: the important thing is that i think ivve found that friend youvve been blathering on about like the wworrywwart you are

GA: Have I Been Blathering Or Have I Been

GA: Blubbering

CA: kan no

CA: dont start wwith the fish puns its bad enough wwhen fef does them

GA: Why Eridan Are You Not Espeshelly Frond Of These Puns

GA: I Am Shellshocked Can You Not Sea How Great They Are

CA: no

CA: stop

GA: I Am Not Shore Aboat If I Can Do That Eridan

GA: I Mean Reely The Reefson You Hate Them So Much Is Beyond Me

CA: kan please im suffering ovver here

GA: I Am Sorry Eridan At This Point It Has Become Almost Autoclammic

GA: Itll Probubbly Become An Irreversible Tendesea

GA: I Just Cant Kelp It And Theres Likely No Wave To Stop

GA: Youll Just Have To Deal With My Puns

GA: Landweller Status Nonfishstanding

CA: ughhhhhhh

CA: wwere you evven listenin to me

GA: Um

GA: Maybe

GA: But Just In Case I Wasnt Not That Im Confirming That I Was Not Listening To You Haha Because I Am A Good Friend And Was Most Definitely Paying Attention Haha Yes But Just In Case

CA: wwhoa kan sloww dowwn there

CA: i did not understand a wword a wwhat you just said

GA: Yes Well

GA: Could You Please Repeat What You Were Telling Me

CA: sighhhh

CA: kan did you hear that

CA: do you knoww wwhat that was kan

CA: it is the sound of me

CA: sighing

CA: do you knoww wwhy im sighing kan

GA: Is It Because Your Ego Has Gotten So Large That You Now Have Trouble Using Your Collapsing And Expanding Bladder Based Aquatic Vascular System

CA: wwhat

CA: no that doesnt evven make sense

CA: im sighin because you wwerent listenin to me

CA: you knoww kan that is a vvery rude thing to do

GA: Well Look Whos Talking

GA: May I Recall The Numerous Times You Have So Rudely Ignored Me

GA: Not To Mention Feferi Nepeta Vriska And Whoever Else Has The Misfortune To Be Talking To You At The Moment

CA: okay okay jeez

CA: i wwas just sayin

CA: oh and kan

CA: try messagin karkat

GA: What

GA: Wait

GA: How Do You Know Karkat

CA: not important just go message him

GA: Ah So Its Not Im*port*ant Then

CA: kan please

CA: times a wastin

CA: go message kar you oddly verbose doof

\-- caligulasAquarium (CA) stopped trolling grimAuxiliatrix (GA) --

Hmm. That was… sudden. Well, you suppose you should go message Karkat, even if he has been missing for days, and even if Eridan is arguably more of a doof then you are.

GA: Karkat

GA: Are You There

GA: Dot Dot Dot

GA: Yeah No I Figured You Wouldnt Be

GA: You Havent Been For A While

GA: I Hope Youre Okay

CG: Kanaya?

GA: Karkat

GA: Is That You

CG: O)(, no, sorry! It’s just me, Feferi.

CG: But Karcrab’s ocray! )(e’s just staying wit)( me and Eridan for a bit.

CG: Is t)(ere somefin you wanted to ask )(im?

GA: Oh No

GA: I Just Wanted To Check Because Eridan Told Me To For Some Reason

CG: )(e probubbly just figured you’d want to know where Crabcatc)( is.

GA: Crabcatch

CG: Karkat, I mean.

GA: Oh

GA: Alright

GA: Well If You Dont Mind Ill Be Taking My Leave Now

CG: Okay! Bye Karpnaya!

CG: I’ll tell Karkat you said )(i!

GA: Id Appreciate That Thanks


	9. Noonday Snack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for my monthly update of this fic. Why do I only ever update this at the end of every month? How is it that I lack all and any abillity to write Karkat as, well, Karkat? Is this how moirails are supposed to act? Why does most of the Erikar happen off-screen? What's gonna happen during the Equius POV and the Tavros POV? Will I ever allow any angst to worm it's way into this fanfic or is it always just gonna be lighthearted shenanigans because I don't have the heart to make these kids suffer like that? Why did I write this at 11:41 instead of a more reasonable time for writing fanfics? What am I doing? Are you ever going to get answers to these questions? Find out next time on ...the disney channel!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And again, going with the A.M. --> P.M. flip. This way, noon for trolls is about midnight for humans. I don't know how being nocturnal works.
> 
> Also, Sollux, no. This is not the time to be eating stuff. Go bingewatch the matrix on your phone, Sollux.

You happen to be feeling just a little bit hungry, so you get up to have a noon snack.

What? It’s not like there’s anything stopping you.

Your name is SOLLUX CAPTOR and when you went downstairs you DID NOT EXPECT to find Karkat there, cramming GRUBSAUCE into his mouth like some sort of animal. You suppose that’s where the “kat” in his name comes from.

You stare at each other for a few minutes. “Um,” he says, mouth full and a bit of sludge dripping down his chin. “I can explain.”

You roll your eyes, though he can’t really see it through your glasses. “Plain grubsauce, KK? Really? What, is grubloaf not good enough for you now?”

His face reddens. “Oh, please. It’s not like you’re any better. I bet you’re just down here so you can cram your face with those disgusting chips that you’re so irrationally fond of.”

You smirk. “Guilty as charged.” After grabbing some Troll Doritos, you move to sit in the small pile of pillows that’s laying in the corner and wave Karkat over. “Come on, sit. What are you waiting for?”

Karkat splutters incoherently. “I-in the pile?”

“In the pile.”

“I- are you sure? It’s noon, I mean, we should probably just, sleep and stuff.”

“Karkat. It’s fine, I could not care less. Just get over here, will you, you wriggler.”

“Well, fine, if you insist. But I’m not a _wriggler_. If anything, I’m more mature than you, you disaster wrapped up in stupidly colored glasses.”

You stick out your forked tongue as he slides onto the pile. “So.” he says.

“So.” you reply.

“How’s Nepeta?”

“Oh, you know. Roleplaying, chatting with Aradia, mauling animals with her sharp claws, what else would she be doing?”

“More than you, Mister Sits-around-on-his-computer-all-day. You really need more hobbies.”

“That’s rich, coming from you Sir I-do-nothing-but-constantly-watch-the-stupidest-romcoms.”

“Oh yeah? Well, that’s interesting considering how many different codes you’ve sent me. Have you even done anything else with your time?”

“Oh, please. I doubt _you’ve_ been doing anything besides sleeping and kissing Ampora’s disgusting fishy lips.”

He squawks indignantly and you smirk. “You’re so obvious, KK.”

“I am NOT! If you were able to get your think pan out of whatever abhorrent cranny you appear to have stuffed it in, you’d realize that I don’t care about Eridan! Not now, and not ever! Him and I are just barely friends and- _SOLLUX WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT?!”_

You let out another small chuckle. “You know I can see right through you, right?”

He hesitates, licking a bit of excess grubsauce off his lip. _That’s adorable,_ you most certaintly do not think. “Yeah, right.” he says softly. “You can’t see right through me if there’s nothing to see through.”

“KK.”

“Captor.”

“ _Karkat._ ”

“Sollux.”

“Crabby windbag.”

“Insufferable prick.”

“Crybaby.”

“Killjoy.”

“Computer exploding moron.”

“Antisocial pessimist.”

“Has terrible taste in movies.”

He gasps, punching your shoulder. “You take that back!”

“Can’t take back the truth, KK.” you give him your most annoying grin and listen to the noise of his growl as he tackles you into the pile.

When you finally fall asleep, laying on top of Karkat with the bag of Troll Doritos laying forgotten on the ground, it’s almost 4 P.M.

This is fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is so short holy cheetos. 
> 
> also please go watch this my little pony song because it's stuck in my head and if I have to listen to it you do too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JB1rFbLOhwE


End file.
